I’ like to say that romance can live on forever, all on its own. Few, if any, couples can bear this out. I’m not saying that romance is doomed by longevity, just that like any living thing, it requires nurturing and TLC.
Most importantly, it requires for each of us to pay attention to our partners needs, wants and dreams. If that means a need for quiet and space, then we need to honor that. When the need for closeness and intimacy is mutually desired, then it can be a very precious time for both.
The connecting dotted line between the above two places is often the difficult territory to navigate, because our needs are so different, at different times. How do I know when the time is right? When enough is enough, too much is too much? What is pleasing; what is irritating?
The simplest and most direct answer is, ask. But for many, that is difficult. We’re either not assertive enough, bold enough or, sometimes, caring enough to open that can of worms. What if it starts an argument? What if I get rejected? Or what if I don’t like the answer I get or don’t want to do what my partner suggests? And, finally, what about my needs—don’t they count too? How do I present them appropriately?
Much of this is about timing and cadence, maturity, self-confidence and selflessness. Much more is about good communication skills and being willing to practice and use them daily. That’s the biggest challenge in most relationships. It’s so easy to become stagnant, to assume that everything has been talked about. He or she should just know what I need. No, we change, they change; life is fluid.
Keep romance vibrant. Talk about it. Stay open for new possibilities with each other.
