Almost everyone has experienced at least one relationship in their lives in which trust has become an issue. We all want a partner we can confide in and rely on emotionally. To have a sense of confidence and security that the person we love also loves us and will be faithfully there for us is a pretty universal need. We want to depend on that safety as we become more intimate and vulnerable in our relationships.
So if this is a universal need then why is trust ever an issue? It seems logical that if we have that common desire in relating to one another, then we all would be dependable and faithful in return. But wait, you say it isn’t so? The sad truth is that we are all broken creatures to some extent. We tend to let ourselves down, much less another person. Call it human nature or imperfection; we all fall short of compassion and empathy sometimes.
It has been said that being in a relationship is hard work, and it’s true. Once we lose the rose glasses we have to start renegotiating our emotions and expectations. He might not always remember your birthday; she may not always be on time. We let each other down. We become disappointed and angry and then tend to not try so hard. And so it goes. Our trust is broken once again.
The problem is that our expectations we have now in our current relationship seems to be guided a lot by what we’ve learned from prior relationships, even our interactions with our parents and siblings. We have sometimes been conditioned to expect bad communication, abusive behavior and/or rejection, if that has been in our past, and therefore trust is harder to believe in or achieve.
But it’s not impossible. It takes some relearning sometimes. And it takes trustworthiness, openness and honesty from both you and your partner. It takes a willingness to be vulnerable, to believe in yourself enough to believe you are really worth loving and to be able to love with a trusting heart.
